1. I attended my first PTO and open house last night at Denton Elementary School. I appreciate the hard work of the teachers and PTO officers, but they missed a golden opportunity last night. Now, I was out in the hallway chasing Drake for most of the meeting, but the part I did see was very boring. I heard more than one parent say that they come to the first one for the Open House, but don’t go to any other PTO meetings precisely because they are dull and boring. Now, I’m only 14 hours removed from this thing, but I am already plotting on how to get elected as a PTO officer and how to make the first and every meeting engaging, entertaining, and informative. Now, my girls classroom is pretty cool. All the kids have assigned seats with all their supplies labled. I don’t remember things being like this when I was young in school. I don’t remember a pouch on the back of my chair for all my school work. I don’t remember having to be able to write a 500 word essay on the economic bailout before moving from kindergarten to first grade. The girls sit at the same table across from each other and were so proud to show us around. No, I did not tear up in the room. There were other men around, but I got a little misty when we got home.
2. Jared Bell, a youth pastor in Kernersville, had a good thought on the election. “There will never be a Savior in the White House.”
3. Speaking a salvation, Hugo Chavez thoughts on the matter illustrate a huge difference between socialists and conservatives. Here’s the quote: “Socialism is the only route to the salvation of the world.” This is why I worry every time the government expands. Jared’s right, government never saved anyone, but judging from the stats, the church isn’t doing too good a job of introducing people to Jesus either.
4. I wish that Tattoo parlors were required to ask everyone wanting a tatoo the following question: “Do you own and wear a belt? If you can’t afford to keep your pants around your waist then you can’t afford a tattoo. Come back when your boxers, thong, or crack are covered and I will be happy to accommodate you. Also, could they tell women that a butterfly on the small of a 20 something year old back looks like a pterodactyl when you’re 40 and have had a few kids. I’m just saying.
5. I wish McDonald’s cashiers could and would refuse me service. I also wish I had the will power to drive past Cici’s Pizza.
6. I wish everyone understood all my Seinfeld, Batman, wrestling, sports references. Don’t worry, I still laugh at them even if it’s just me.
7. I wish I got paid to pay attention.
8. I wish that in middle school and high school they would show us pictures of what all the girls in class would look like at age 30 because some women get more beautiful with time and some go in the other direction. One time my brother was looking at my freshman yearbook and told me to ask a certain girl out. I told him she wasn’t pretty and he said she would be really hot when she got older. I did not heed his advice and she became a model our senior year. Of course, none of this matters, because I married a woman who is beautiful on the inside and out at any age.
9. I wish I had not broken my PS2 and Madden 09 the other day. I had just won the Super Bowl with the Falcons and excitedly yanked them off the shelf. Insert loser joke here.
10. Finally, Survivor has been on the air for 8 years. Everyone who goes on the show has watched the show and knows how stupid the tribes look when they don’t/can’t make a fire. They see how badly the tribe suffers from lack of clean water and food. So, explain to me why every year this scenario continues to be played out. No one can build a fire until Jeff gives them a flint. You should also know that before going to the location that they actually teach the people how to make a fire WITHOUT flint. Now, who’s more of a loser: the person who can’t make a fire or the millions of us watching reality TV?