It has now been more than half of my life since I was called into the ministry. At the time, I had no idea where it would take me. More than a third of my life has now been spent in full-time ministry. This past week of camp (my 29th since accepting the call) was a clear reminder that I am doing what God created me for. I feel like the ability to make people laugh is the greatest gift and pleasure which God has given me. Laughter melts even the hardest heart of stone. Laughter brings relief to the afflicted and comfort to the oppressed. Laughter does not bring salvation, but it opens the doors of the hearts of people who would not do so otherwise. I sit here alone in my house as my family is hours away visiting grandparents. I often wonder about how much longer I can hold my current career as youth pastor and be the husband and father I want to be. It grows harder and harder to be away from my wife and children with each passing year. I pray daily and put my trust in the Lord that the price He has called me to pay in ministry will not come at too much of a cost to my family. I feel that I have sacrificed a lot over the years, in the name of Christ, that He never called me to. It was immaturity and eagerness on my part, but it is easy to call any church thing, however unnessecary, an essential part of full-time ministry. I have seen too many friends pay a high price in ministry by giving their time and energy to more than God commanded or called. All of this is different with each couple and family. We are not machines built on an assembly line built to endure and tolerate the same things. We must always be aware of the price we are asking our families’ to pay. There is such a fine line as to what is too high and how much is too much. Add to it the fact that we rarely talk around our kitchen tables and in our bedrooms about these matters and the problem only deepens and remains unresolved. How do you balance the sense that, while at a youth camp, you are doing and being everything God has intended while you are away from your family? How do you reconcile that? How do you repay the days and weeks away? I know that in the 4 weeks I am apart from my family my son’s vocabulary will grow, my daughter’s will learn new things, and my wife will have bared the burden without me. How do I insure to my God, my wife, my children, and myself that the church, the ministry, and camp have not become a mistress in any way, shape, or form? I am replaceable as camp counselor, youth pastor, and camp jester, but not as a husband and father. Maybe it’s coming to that realization that is the key. Knowing that where my heart is there my treasure will be also. I’m not one of those people who dreds youth camp or whatever. Give me a mic and a crowd. Give me a camp game. Give me the chance to come up with something off the top of my head. That’s just how I’m wired. I feed off it. I feel so alive in Christ when given these opportunities. It’s also in those private conversations. Those one on one times with kids who are hurting and looking for answers. No mic needed there, but that’s still who I’m created to be. I have never loved doing what I do and being who I am more than right this minute. I have never loved my wife, children, and family more than I do right now. No lights, no crowd, no music. Just one Father doting on another so he doesn’t feel alone, but alive. It’s a good life.
That’s a serious question. How to be sure that “serving God” in whatever form, has not become a mistress? Wow.
Great post, Heath!
when you said “Laughter does not bring salvation, but it opens the doors of the hearts of people who would not do so otherwise.” i never thought of it like that. Great way of putting that!
Great post Heath…I love that you are being you…the world is better for it!